Sunday, April 30, 2006
Hi Da...
The only problem is that v used to call each other unparliamentary names. but do ppl who really love each other need to call each other with names? I dont remember wn i last called you by ur name or any nickname u ever got. when two ppl love each other so much y use mere names? Really love you dude. i've hated very few things about you and i very well remember u felt more mushy for me cos i told u frankly on ur face that u need to correct urself on those grounds - turning up much later than promised for stay-overs, going elsewhere under the pretext of staying over at my place ... (oops! olarittaenaa?) etc. But one thing i really hate u for is to have pushed our dearest TVJ (as on both of our phonebooks) to a tight corner with only one thing in mind. I'm gonna meet him soon. hv not seen him in a month n especially cos he's back at work and has taken a shave since u left him so lonely. But still v all love you. Thats something which comes off us involuntarily, spontaneously, obviously, naturally and reflexively for the kinda person u were.
Who else on this planet would know how u were crazy abt nila? U kept telling me the other day all the way from ur place to mine only one thing "Machaan nila daa.."
Each time i c ur favourite babes on tv, i cry.
each time i eat tomato rice i cry.
each time i eat sambar rice i cry
each time i hear thee-pidikka i cry
each time i wanna discuss something so private which i talk only with you, i cry
each time someone who dunno you try to show off saying trivial things, i cry
each time i c yuppie blush i feel like crying cos iam not able to reach out to you.
by the way, remember the post-it slip u wrote n kept on my dad's table. That actually came true. but guess she got lucky enuf tho. And Bijou is ur maanaseega student. ekalaivi. I'm sure u wont know one bit of mythology cos u r my hero who said mullai means rabbit, raddish n all.
I just so miss you.
I can just so hear Shaggy dont b so glum da... and i can c ur face and the bag i got 4 u on ur shoulder as u bid one last time for me to leave from college with you and go home.
Dont make me feel all so guilty again
u wont know how much i missed u wn i was at Kota baharu. Damn, u'd hv ragged my ass off were u with me. and i'm sure if v both had backpacks, v'd hv swam across that small stretch from kota baharu to thailand. i missed you cos the guest room at chinna maamiyaar's house had a double bed, typically like the one in ur bedroom. v'd hv spoken all night if u came with me. may be i shd've traveled with you that day fm college to ur place. had v spoken to ur mom, she'd hv given it a thot and arranged for you too 2 come with me.
i miss you so much for so many things i cant blog about. I love you Da. Never ever has my heart missed my hero more.
The last day of college, i didnt wanna pose for pics with anyone. i literally ran away. how can i, without my lover around?
you know how many times i waited and craved for you to walk thru the entrance of that room and come to me and say "shaggy watsup?" or some such shit? Aen da?
But one thing is for sure. i really loved you and i still do.
i dunno y i'm punished with a life without you
3 yrs with Bijou has not been this happy.
3.5 yrs of friendship with you had been so lovely. v fighted so little. you never dumped me. Were either or you or i a girl, sure v'd hv gotten married too. But y on earth did u enter my life, loved me so much, be a friend to me who never believed in friendship, showed me love isn't gender-based n so many things?
U r a mean dash. dunno wat to call you. may be just ur name. Remember how u got ur most recent nickname. u blabbered in engg management hour and yuppie framed the name. Gosh... I cant even blog this. u hv just been too mean to me. More than ever.
But i'll always love you da.
I'll be ur shaggy. That's y i signed off so many shirts on the last day as shaggy or shagz. anything for you and anytime da.
I still love You. I always will.
U will always inspire me. I'll watch all vijay movies for ur sake.
hv fun up there.
Luv, hugs and the lil gift i wanted to give you wn u were gonna leave India.
Miss you doesnt say it all.
Shags (i by mistake started signing off as wat other ppl call me. but here u go)
The only problem is that v used to call each other unparliamentary names. but do ppl who really love each other need to call each other with names? I dont remember wn i last called you by ur name or any nickname u ever got. when two ppl love each other so much y use mere names? Really love you dude. i've hated very few things about you and i very well remember u felt more mushy for me cos i told u frankly on ur face that u need to correct urself on those grounds - turning up much later than promised for stay-overs, going elsewhere under the pretext of staying over at my place ... (oops! olarittaenaa?) etc. But one thing i really hate u for is to have pushed our dearest TVJ (as on both of our phonebooks) to a tight corner with only one thing in mind. I'm gonna meet him soon. hv not seen him in a month n especially cos he's back at work and has taken a shave since u left him so lonely. But still v all love you. Thats something which comes off us involuntarily, spontaneously, obviously, naturally and reflexively for the kinda person u were.
Who else on this planet would know how u were crazy abt nila? U kept telling me the other day all the way from ur place to mine only one thing "Machaan nila daa.."
Each time i c ur favourite babes on tv, i cry.
each time i eat tomato rice i cry.
each time i eat sambar rice i cry
each time i hear thee-pidikka i cry
each time i wanna discuss something so private which i talk only with you, i cry
each time someone who dunno you try to show off saying trivial things, i cry
each time i c yuppie blush i feel like crying cos iam not able to reach out to you.
by the way, remember the post-it slip u wrote n kept on my dad's table. That actually came true. but guess she got lucky enuf tho. And Bijou is ur maanaseega student. ekalaivi. I'm sure u wont know one bit of mythology cos u r my hero who said mullai means rabbit, raddish n all.
I just so miss you.
I can just so hear Shaggy dont b so glum da... and i can c ur face and the bag i got 4 u on ur shoulder as u bid one last time for me to leave from college with you and go home.
Dont make me feel all so guilty again
u wont know how much i missed u wn i was at Kota baharu. Damn, u'd hv ragged my ass off were u with me. and i'm sure if v both had backpacks, v'd hv swam across that small stretch from kota baharu to thailand. i missed you cos the guest room at chinna maamiyaar's house had a double bed, typically like the one in ur bedroom. v'd hv spoken all night if u came with me. may be i shd've traveled with you that day fm college to ur place. had v spoken to ur mom, she'd hv given it a thot and arranged for you too 2 come with me.
i miss you so much for so many things i cant blog about. I love you Da. Never ever has my heart missed my hero more.
The last day of college, i didnt wanna pose for pics with anyone. i literally ran away. how can i, without my lover around?
you know how many times i waited and craved for you to walk thru the entrance of that room and come to me and say "shaggy watsup?" or some such shit? Aen da?
But one thing is for sure. i really loved you and i still do.
i dunno y i'm punished with a life without you
3 yrs with Bijou has not been this happy.
3.5 yrs of friendship with you had been so lovely. v fighted so little. you never dumped me. Were either or you or i a girl, sure v'd hv gotten married too. But y on earth did u enter my life, loved me so much, be a friend to me who never believed in friendship, showed me love isn't gender-based n so many things?
U r a mean dash. dunno wat to call you. may be just ur name. Remember how u got ur most recent nickname. u blabbered in engg management hour and yuppie framed the name. Gosh... I cant even blog this. u hv just been too mean to me. More than ever.
But i'll always love you da.
I'll be ur shaggy. That's y i signed off so many shirts on the last day as shaggy or shagz. anything for you and anytime da.
I still love You. I always will.
U will always inspire me. I'll watch all vijay movies for ur sake.
hv fun up there.
Luv, hugs and the lil gift i wanted to give you wn u were gonna leave India.
Miss you doesnt say it all.
Shags (i by mistake started signing off as wat other ppl call me. but here u go)
Hi Raja
You saw what I did to-day. I can see your sweet smile and saying thanks. I have done so much to you, but I don’t think it would have made much difference to you as it is the duty of a parent. But what I did for Snow White, should be giving you the most happiness da, thanks for the chance to have made you really happy and for the sweet smile of yours. …..Applu minus 58 days
You saw what I did to-day. I can see your sweet smile and saying thanks. I have done so much to you, but I don’t think it would have made much difference to you as it is the duty of a parent. But what I did for Snow White, should be giving you the most happiness da, thanks for the chance to have made you really happy and for the sweet smile of yours. …..Applu minus 58 days
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Raja,
I am still unable to comprehend you are not there. I keep waiting for you. I miss you very much. I went to the hospital where you were born and I remember every second of that moment you came into this world, you gave me so much of joy and you also breathed your last before me and left me to an emptiness. You think I will forget you like every one else, never, I will come and meet you wherever you are. More the day passes, more I resolve to remember you every minute. You know your applu, how determined I can be when I want. …..Applu minus 57 days.
I am still unable to comprehend you are not there. I keep waiting for you. I miss you very much. I went to the hospital where you were born and I remember every second of that moment you came into this world, you gave me so much of joy and you also breathed your last before me and left me to an emptiness. You think I will forget you like every one else, never, I will come and meet you wherever you are. More the day passes, more I resolve to remember you every minute. You know your applu, how determined I can be when I want. …..Applu minus 57 days.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Hi raja
Today from morning till afternoon, you were somewhere near me, I feel you,talk to you, say something da, give some message, I will understand, you are there da, probably playing hide and seek, I will find you soon. Miss you, can never accept you are not there. ...Applu 55 days
Today from morning till afternoon, you were somewhere near me, I feel you,talk to you, say something da, give some message, I will understand, you are there da, probably playing hide and seek, I will find you soon. Miss you, can never accept you are not there. ...Applu 55 days
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Bro,
Done with my exams..finally. You were there when I wrote them so I don't have to tell you how they went. Thought my heart would feel lighter after the exams, it only got heavier. Lol, today I saw those guys in coronet juice shop. The ones we make fun of..Who ll ever laugh for anything like that but us? I couldn't laugh today, Bro. Not without you. I have to wear a mask when I am at home, when I am at college. Faking smiles, conversations. But I do have some people who take me for who I am.
Went to the tailor a couple of days back and I got remimded of the time you yelled t him..Lol. I will NEVER forget those days, Bro. And remember what we spoke about today..
Love you,
Sis constantine.
Done with my exams..finally. You were there when I wrote them so I don't have to tell you how they went. Thought my heart would feel lighter after the exams, it only got heavier. Lol, today I saw those guys in coronet juice shop. The ones we make fun of..Who ll ever laugh for anything like that but us? I couldn't laugh today, Bro. Not without you. I have to wear a mask when I am at home, when I am at college. Faking smiles, conversations. But I do have some people who take me for who I am.
Went to the tailor a couple of days back and I got remimded of the time you yelled t him..Lol. I will NEVER forget those days, Bro. And remember what we spoke about today..
Love you,
Sis constantine.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Hi Raja,
More the day passes, more I start thinking of you, your voice, your calling me "Applu", your arguing with ma and fights with gani, you are always with us, how can we ever forget you da, do you see us, do you feel our agony, where are you da, why did you give all of us so much, only to take everything away in a second. Meet me soon wherever you want and whichever manner you have planned, miss you so much. Give Gani your support and watch over him always as you do, he needs you badly ... Applu minus 52 days.
More the day passes, more I start thinking of you, your voice, your calling me "Applu", your arguing with ma and fights with gani, you are always with us, how can we ever forget you da, do you see us, do you feel our agony, where are you da, why did you give all of us so much, only to take everything away in a second. Meet me soon wherever you want and whichever manner you have planned, miss you so much. Give Gani your support and watch over him always as you do, he needs you badly ... Applu minus 52 days.
i'm not a lunatic.lol.. u know it better. just that everyone goes through a lot of chaos before finally coming to realise that LIFE IS A LOOM.
So i'm here now to tell u that i enjoyed the lil ride with u . thank u so much!!! You are very special. will always make u proud. u will see that as time flies.u will continue to be my fellow outsider.
bye my zorro..
love and peace.
- your galadriel..
So i'm here now to tell u that i enjoyed the lil ride with u . thank u so much!!! You are very special. will always make u proud. u will see that as time flies.u will continue to be my fellow outsider.
bye my zorro..
love and peace.
- your galadriel..
Friday, April 21, 2006
Hi Sis & Ganga
At last you realized you can not search for me any more because I am in you. You two are real “Psychos”. You don’t ask questions when you know there are no answers to it, like where the sky ends, when will earth stop rotating, what is the depth of human mind and why me. It was great fun to be with you all. Just remember what I told you often,
Don’t pre-judge anybody,
All are equal under the Sun, never hurt any one’s ego
Help if you can and when you can, but don’t expect anything in return.
Never hesitate to say “Sorry” to any one if you make a mistake or when you realize you made a mistake.
Never say a word which will hurt anybody, it is not worth it.
Every one you meet has many good things in them; just see only that part of him.
And finally don’t compare.
Life is not measured by the time you live, it is only remembered by what you do.
Life is all about faith and hope, keep looking, you will find someone.
Bye, your Bro & Zorro
At last you realized you can not search for me any more because I am in you. You two are real “Psychos”. You don’t ask questions when you know there are no answers to it, like where the sky ends, when will earth stop rotating, what is the depth of human mind and why me. It was great fun to be with you all. Just remember what I told you often,
Don’t pre-judge anybody,
All are equal under the Sun, never hurt any one’s ego
Help if you can and when you can, but don’t expect anything in return.
Never hesitate to say “Sorry” to any one if you make a mistake or when you realize you made a mistake.
Never say a word which will hurt anybody, it is not worth it.
Every one you meet has many good things in them; just see only that part of him.
And finally don’t compare.
Life is not measured by the time you live, it is only remembered by what you do.
Life is all about faith and hope, keep looking, you will find someone.
Bye, your Bro & Zorro
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Hey Etchai
I hear you da. My life was short and beautiful. I had everything. Great friends, applu and ma no one can get, and more than anything else, you as my bro. Greta times and many things between you and me. I know all my secrets are safe with you. Now beat me in everything. I left you for everybody else. I am at peace because you are there. We will meet sometime, somewhere and you will know it is me. I might not have told you, but you meant a lot to me. We are lucky to be brothers and I don’t see many like us. Cherish my memory and don’t lose your great confidence. You can beat all. I am leaving ma and applu to you to take care, they need you badly and give them hope and happiness. Let me be a sweet dream for you. Surely, we will meet some time and only you will know it is me. I have left everything to you, bye you mad dog.
You are the only idiot, I shall have as my bro, that is a promise I will keep.
I sign off as Ramesh, your most dearest and closest.
I hear you da. My life was short and beautiful. I had everything. Great friends, applu and ma no one can get, and more than anything else, you as my bro. Greta times and many things between you and me. I know all my secrets are safe with you. Now beat me in everything. I left you for everybody else. I am at peace because you are there. We will meet sometime, somewhere and you will know it is me. I might not have told you, but you meant a lot to me. We are lucky to be brothers and I don’t see many like us. Cherish my memory and don’t lose your great confidence. You can beat all. I am leaving ma and applu to you to take care, they need you badly and give them hope and happiness. Let me be a sweet dream for you. Surely, we will meet some time and only you will know it is me. I have left everything to you, bye you mad dog.
You are the only idiot, I shall have as my bro, that is a promise I will keep.
I sign off as Ramesh, your most dearest and closest.
hi mapla,long time,its just ive been busy all these days.....hey i hear news tat this blog is gonna be closed down....i can understand why.....ur not replying.....guess all ur work is done ur gonna finally rest.....have fun.....get some room there for me ready ill be there someday even if its 60 yrs away, ill get there.....anyway before we part forever there is this one special song i wanna sing out to u.....the tune may not be there but i guess u ll know the tune.....here it goes.......
There's no one in town who i know,
u gave me some place to go.....
i never said thank u for that,
thought i would get one chance......
wat would u think of me now,
so lucky,so strong , so proud.....
never said thank u for tat,
now ill never have the chance......
"MAY ANGELS LEAD U IN",
here u meet my friends,
from sleepless nights to sleepless days,
may angels lead u in!!!!!!!!
hum the tune of "hear you me" and sing it out loud.....this is my song to u.....its exactly what i feel. i hope u remember all the times we spent together....all the vacations....its uncountable....there maybe many ppl claiming to be urs but all tat doesnt set me apart , does it??i swear man i wont make the same mistakes tat u made,u can trust me on that one.....by the way the movie goal was awesome but the end was even better liverpool got snubbed.....i thought abt u then and wondered wat u would do if u saw tht movie....would u tear the screen ?:-).....dey im not able to be myself over the last few days since u left me and went off somewhere....im not able to go near applu or amma i seem to get visions of u and me together....its kinda disturbing so now ive become sort of a reserved person but dont worry it ll just take time to erase all tat and get back to myself.....right now im listening to the music in armageddon and crying out to myself.....im all alone.....how u wud have loved tat song.....u know wat for so many days after 3rd and 4th of march i didnt all tat bad and all only today now tat i know i can never speak to u again is when its really hurting.....those two days have made a permanent stain in the hearts of all who experienced ur love and ur mere presence.....trust me eventhough u died a horrible death it was a hero's death if not for the world atleast to me ur my hero and u always will be.....as applu always said his world came to an end 3rd march even im starting to feel tat true happiness for me ended tat day but one thing i know i have a life of darkness ahead of me and many ppl derive their happiness frm me like they did for u.....i trust u havent seen this world enough so i know u ll join us in a few days as someone new.....just seek me out when u realise its u.....we could have had a great life together.....i bet u would have been thrilled to meet a new face :-)......i just dont have the heart to stop writing on this last message of mine.....im sorry i cant hold back my feeling any more.....pls da come back....come back to ur brother.....pls.....ive stopped believing in god i hope u know tat.....i only believe in u now....ur the god for all of us.....ok da i guess its over....i just dont have the heart to say bye but i have to u selfish *******.....im sorry.....ok pls do one last thing for me pls give me the chance to meet u once i reach tat big home in the sky atleast then i wanna spend a life time with u....pls da my only request to u....ok da for the last time from ganesh bye bye.....my love for u will be forever even though death has separated us.....good night and sweet dreams and god bless u who ever he is.....
P.S:- ill take care of the pent house and one more thing "I KNOW EVERYTHING", ur secrets are safe with me......ciao
There's no one in town who i know,
u gave me some place to go.....
i never said thank u for that,
thought i would get one chance......
wat would u think of me now,
so lucky,so strong , so proud.....
never said thank u for tat,
now ill never have the chance......
"MAY ANGELS LEAD U IN",
here u meet my friends,
from sleepless nights to sleepless days,
may angels lead u in!!!!!!!!
hum the tune of "hear you me" and sing it out loud.....this is my song to u.....its exactly what i feel. i hope u remember all the times we spent together....all the vacations....its uncountable....there maybe many ppl claiming to be urs but all tat doesnt set me apart , does it??i swear man i wont make the same mistakes tat u made,u can trust me on that one.....by the way the movie goal was awesome but the end was even better liverpool got snubbed.....i thought abt u then and wondered wat u would do if u saw tht movie....would u tear the screen ?:-).....dey im not able to be myself over the last few days since u left me and went off somewhere....im not able to go near applu or amma i seem to get visions of u and me together....its kinda disturbing so now ive become sort of a reserved person but dont worry it ll just take time to erase all tat and get back to myself.....right now im listening to the music in armageddon and crying out to myself.....im all alone.....how u wud have loved tat song.....u know wat for so many days after 3rd and 4th of march i didnt all tat bad and all only today now tat i know i can never speak to u again is when its really hurting.....those two days have made a permanent stain in the hearts of all who experienced ur love and ur mere presence.....trust me eventhough u died a horrible death it was a hero's death if not for the world atleast to me ur my hero and u always will be.....as applu always said his world came to an end 3rd march even im starting to feel tat true happiness for me ended tat day but one thing i know i have a life of darkness ahead of me and many ppl derive their happiness frm me like they did for u.....i trust u havent seen this world enough so i know u ll join us in a few days as someone new.....just seek me out when u realise its u.....we could have had a great life together.....i bet u would have been thrilled to meet a new face :-)......i just dont have the heart to stop writing on this last message of mine.....im sorry i cant hold back my feeling any more.....pls da come back....come back to ur brother.....pls.....ive stopped believing in god i hope u know tat.....i only believe in u now....ur the god for all of us.....ok da i guess its over....i just dont have the heart to say bye but i have to u selfish *******.....im sorry.....ok pls do one last thing for me pls give me the chance to meet u once i reach tat big home in the sky atleast then i wanna spend a life time with u....pls da my only request to u....ok da for the last time from ganesh bye bye.....my love for u will be forever even though death has separated us.....good night and sweet dreams and god bless u who ever he is.....
P.S:- ill take care of the pent house and one more thing "I KNOW EVERYTHING", ur secrets are safe with me......ciao
Monday, April 17, 2006
Bro,
The skies scared me today. So dark and gloomy during the day. Are you doing ok? He asked how could the clouds affect the moon and stars. So true. You don't worry,bro. We will hold on to you.
My exams start on 19th. Have to start studying only tomorrow. Missing you too much...Remember how i never studied and you made me study every night? I am trying, bro..trying hard. I will make you proud of me.
Love you,
Sis Constantine.
The skies scared me today. So dark and gloomy during the day. Are you doing ok? He asked how could the clouds affect the moon and stars. So true. You don't worry,bro. We will hold on to you.
My exams start on 19th. Have to start studying only tomorrow. Missing you too much...Remember how i never studied and you made me study every night? I am trying, bro..trying hard. I will make you proud of me.
Love you,
Sis Constantine.
Hi Raja, I thought a lot about my communication through this blog with you, which obviously is one sided. I wanted to know your life with your friends and others in the last four years when you have really started parting with us as a man and started a life of your own. I did not get any information through this blog and on the contrary, It is making others sad and ma does not even see it. Where ever you are, you know how much I suffer, grieve, bleed and keep asking why you, me, ma & gani. For me and ma till our life ends, it is not going to be the same. We really had happy life and I tried and gave you what I did not get in my life. You are part of our life and it is gone forever. My faith is shaken and what is left for is to live only each day and not think about tomorrow. I don’t even have the confidence to pray god for others or for ma or gani, because I am afraid he is just waiting to do the opposite. Believe me, I am even scared to wish my end soon, because the almighty may exactly do the opposite and I am terrified of thinking of years of life without you and losing my dear ones and ultimately left alone to suffer in loneliness. The pain of your leaving us will go only when my end comes.
Atlas shrugged on 3rd March, world did not come to an end, but my world has come to an end. Henceforth, what is between you and me is private
Raja, my dearest, my love and my life, bye forever. Applu
Atlas shrugged on 3rd March, world did not come to an end, but my world has come to an end. Henceforth, what is between you and me is private
Raja, my dearest, my love and my life, bye forever. Applu
Zorro..Zorro..Zorro.. ,(got a big smile for u...now smile for me pls.am in this stupid mood..(u know jumping-on-the-bed happy mood)
its been a week since i wrote here. i'm not gonna meet u here often, at this blog. i don't need it. but since this blog is not just bout talking to u, that its also a benign support system, i will write... nowadays, when i write in this blog..it feels llike- i'm peeping into a club and saying " yeah..am back. i care for him"..then i vanish. i peep in again later.."i still do care..!!". guess , i'm finding it downright silly to meet u here becos i talk to u every single day. u're my diary like always. so i will write here, only when u want me to ,like now
now to sad songs..
it didn't jolt me, but felt like a needle -prick. here i am bleeding to death, in silence, without u and someone comes along throws mud at my wound. petty and uneccesary, but i totally understand and empathize.
Zorro..remember our line- this world's filled with impostors!.. lol..i'd like to add something more. these ppl are funny too..literally. coupla days back shalini and myself had a good laugh about it. i couldn't stop laughing even after she hung up.i'm serious. feels like school days. shallow and predictable ppl around. Zorro.. its sick. two things u liked about me so much- my tenacity and me being brutally frank. this is what's keeping me together in one piece.
i've begin to hate the words i spill
i throw disgusting shadows on verbs.
i seem to dislike my handwriting suddenly.
words they fail u sometimes...see, its like this.. there's a ferocious battle of thoughts going on in my head..so much happening..but not a single word to help me.
you can't talk when you're drowning, can you??
have just this to tell you, zorro
GRAVELY MISSING YOU
this one line is like a over-filled laundry basket. dig into the stink and pain..make whatever out of it.
Zorro..i know i've already entered this in my diary. but am thankful to u again for constantly showing me small signs of the fact that u're arnd. why then would i pick a flick called " doctor zhivago"( which, though the most favorite classic movie for everyone at home, i never got to watch it until yesterday.)..don't know why i chose to see that movie that particular night , when my thoughts are full of u. it killed me. the movie was like a stage set just for u. so pure the way u spoke to me. the way u became the hero..tears. i know it sounds stupid but i know u too well..and this doesn't happen with every movie.
remember may 6th 2005- we parted . u stayed back on earth. i left to heaven. i told u about me watching a movie ( before sunrise) that day..that told a story so much like ours.i hung onto that sign..thats why i'm here now.
no matter how many times i've reminded u, u never got to watch that movie. and me , no matter how many times, u've told me to watch "a walk to remember"- i haven't still. will lay my hands upon it soon. don't frown pls. ty.
will meet u soon
love and peace...your galadriel
P.S.- why did u have to walk into shalini's dream? that was so not needed. u've scared the hell out of her. u wanna talk to me, then come to me. i'm making genuine attempts to sleep these days. anyways i got your msg..even before u tried telling her(frightening her). Am yours. i know the truth better than u'd understand it. don't worry . keep that smile on. let it continue to steal hearts. stay close.
its been a week since i wrote here. i'm not gonna meet u here often, at this blog. i don't need it. but since this blog is not just bout talking to u, that its also a benign support system, i will write... nowadays, when i write in this blog..it feels llike- i'm peeping into a club and saying " yeah..am back. i care for him"..then i vanish. i peep in again later.."i still do care..!!". guess , i'm finding it downright silly to meet u here becos i talk to u every single day. u're my diary like always. so i will write here, only when u want me to ,like now
now to sad songs..
it didn't jolt me, but felt like a needle -prick. here i am bleeding to death, in silence, without u and someone comes along throws mud at my wound. petty and uneccesary, but i totally understand and empathize.
Zorro..remember our line- this world's filled with impostors!.. lol..i'd like to add something more. these ppl are funny too..literally. coupla days back shalini and myself had a good laugh about it. i couldn't stop laughing even after she hung up.i'm serious. feels like school days. shallow and predictable ppl around. Zorro.. its sick. two things u liked about me so much- my tenacity and me being brutally frank. this is what's keeping me together in one piece.
i've begin to hate the words i spill
i throw disgusting shadows on verbs.
i seem to dislike my handwriting suddenly.
words they fail u sometimes...see, its like this.. there's a ferocious battle of thoughts going on in my head..so much happening..but not a single word to help me.
you can't talk when you're drowning, can you??
have just this to tell you, zorro
GRAVELY MISSING YOU
this one line is like a over-filled laundry basket. dig into the stink and pain..make whatever out of it.
Zorro..i know i've already entered this in my diary. but am thankful to u again for constantly showing me small signs of the fact that u're arnd. why then would i pick a flick called " doctor zhivago"( which, though the most favorite classic movie for everyone at home, i never got to watch it until yesterday.)..don't know why i chose to see that movie that particular night , when my thoughts are full of u. it killed me. the movie was like a stage set just for u. so pure the way u spoke to me. the way u became the hero..tears. i know it sounds stupid but i know u too well..and this doesn't happen with every movie.
remember may 6th 2005- we parted . u stayed back on earth. i left to heaven. i told u about me watching a movie ( before sunrise) that day..that told a story so much like ours.i hung onto that sign..thats why i'm here now.
no matter how many times i've reminded u, u never got to watch that movie. and me , no matter how many times, u've told me to watch "a walk to remember"- i haven't still. will lay my hands upon it soon. don't frown pls. ty.
will meet u soon
love and peace...your galadriel
P.S.- why did u have to walk into shalini's dream? that was so not needed. u've scared the hell out of her. u wanna talk to me, then come to me. i'm making genuine attempts to sleep these days. anyways i got your msg..even before u tried telling her(frightening her). Am yours. i know the truth better than u'd understand it. don't worry . keep that smile on. let it continue to steal hearts. stay close.
It still hurts badly. I was like every one else, with faith and belief. Why da ?, Where are you ? Some way me or ma should get some communication, nothing so far. Have you really rested, because you did not have any thing left, but you have left us to suffer. ……Applu minus 45 day.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
I am asked, how are you and how was the day. Me and ma end the day trying to get sleep with our eyes closed keeping you inside floating in tears to keep you cool and hoping to see you in our dreams. We don’t even know whether we sleep, but I wake up, time never matters, thinking of you and wondering why you never come in our dreams. Spending the day is a farce as I am dishonest about any thing I do, eating, talking, working, what a sham. The only thing I am happy about at the end of the day is I am getting closer to you by one more day. Awaiting da….Applu minus 44 days
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Hi ma!!!
how u doin? i havnt written in the blog for quite sometime now, and u know the reason. but i never stopped talkin to u ma. like u wud always say.....the moon wud carry all my messagas to you every day.....i kept talkin to the moon nd i cud see u swingin to n fro from the stars to the moon all night long!! how beautiful that world of urs look from here!!!i was gazin at it and noticed its beauty with awe.....that wasn there ever before n now its got the glory only because....You are one among them now! there u go......like u always use to do......leave "THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MARK" where ever you go!!! ma guess wat?....iv met all your frenz,they r all so lovin n understandin! i am into ur world like u always promised to do so! trust me.....im not alone! this seems like ur blessin in disguise to me! thanx a million for takin care of me like u always did Amechi! but still, more than anything.... its the belief i have that ur watchin over me n seein all this from this heaven of urs....i continue to walk forward......!
"i live by faith and not by sight.....
whether i see you or not,
my heart will never cease....
to care and love you this much!
till my very last breath!
and that is 'a promise' i make...
from the very depth of my heart!"
its real, very very real!!
with all my love n care....
Snow White!
how u doin? i havnt written in the blog for quite sometime now, and u know the reason. but i never stopped talkin to u ma. like u wud always say.....the moon wud carry all my messagas to you every day.....i kept talkin to the moon nd i cud see u swingin to n fro from the stars to the moon all night long!! how beautiful that world of urs look from here!!!i was gazin at it and noticed its beauty with awe.....that wasn there ever before n now its got the glory only because....You are one among them now! there u go......like u always use to do......leave "THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MARK" where ever you go!!! ma guess wat?....iv met all your frenz,they r all so lovin n understandin! i am into ur world like u always promised to do so! trust me.....im not alone! this seems like ur blessin in disguise to me! thanx a million for takin care of me like u always did Amechi! but still, more than anything.... its the belief i have that ur watchin over me n seein all this from this heaven of urs....i continue to walk forward......!
"i live by faith and not by sight.....
whether i see you or not,
my heart will never cease....
to care and love you this much!
till my very last breath!
and that is 'a promise' i make...
from the very depth of my heart!"
its real, very very real!!
with all my love n care....
Snow White!
How many will understand death truly is freedom, if you really care about someone, do you regret it for him, no, but for me, I have not learnt to cope up with the grief, it is not the same again da…….Applu minus 43 days
Friday, April 14, 2006
Hey,
Somehow yesterday I couldn't see you in the beautiful full moon like I did the last time. But I saw you somewhere between the three stars..smiling at me. We were there. You were smiling at my tears..Sigh, what pleasure you get out of it. You asked me so many things. You got me thinking,like always. I keep thinking you are not ok wherever you are cuz you don't have us to take care of you. But I guess you would have made new friends with that magnetic personality you possess. Your silence speaks volumes to me but he doesn't hear you. He doesn't even hear me. As I told you last night, I will wait. I have been thinking so much for the past two days..Feels like I ve been enlightened. Like its a new life.New me.
I saw "dishum"..You would have made so much fun of it..Sad movie ma. Do you remember the "poems" in 12th std..Rads and I? Lol, funny times..Remember our first walk? Everything is vivid in my mind. We are going to keep you alive.Just hold on. See you tonight.
Love you,
Sis constantine.
Somehow yesterday I couldn't see you in the beautiful full moon like I did the last time. But I saw you somewhere between the three stars..smiling at me. We were there. You were smiling at my tears..Sigh, what pleasure you get out of it. You asked me so many things. You got me thinking,like always. I keep thinking you are not ok wherever you are cuz you don't have us to take care of you. But I guess you would have made new friends with that magnetic personality you possess. Your silence speaks volumes to me but he doesn't hear you. He doesn't even hear me. As I told you last night, I will wait. I have been thinking so much for the past two days..Feels like I ve been enlightened. Like its a new life.New me.
I saw "dishum"..You would have made so much fun of it..Sad movie ma. Do you remember the "poems" in 12th std..Rads and I? Lol, funny times..Remember our first walk? Everything is vivid in my mind. We are going to keep you alive.Just hold on. See you tonight.
Love you,
Sis constantine.
Hi, I downloaded few of your favorite things from your memory card, of course, you know I did not go into things, which you would not allow any one to do. I was wondering, how nice it will be if I can just edit and delete my memory, like the memory card of yours to retain only everything happened from 29th June, 1984 till 9.45 a.m on 3/3 and delete the balance things after that time. I will try, help me, show me the way. For me, every second of being with you was great, very few regrets…….Applu minus 42 days
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Hi Raja, I am back, I was not sure, how I will cope up, but nothing has changed, the same Erode, same problems, my observations and thought process were as sharp as ever, time flew. All of them were very understanding. Sponge iron plant is commissioned, where you wanted to go after commissioning. New Camri model was brought for test driving, as usual I could even joke. The car guy explained, the new Camri has a very good Oda Meter, I immediately said, “we need the car with Odum Meter and not with Oda Meter, What a joke ???. Without you, I never even felt like test driving the car. Few things, I used to go only in white cotton shirt, now I went in black, the leg pulling was missing, but time flew. But when I returned to catch my train, there was emptiness in my heart, because I realized, I can still work efficiently but with out motivation and purpose. Morning I was back, I went for my walk, it is time for you to go to college and ask your usual question “When did you come ?” You are not going ask me any more da, no, things have changed, life is not the same again for your applu. …….Applu minus 41 days.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Bro,
Today i felt that same pang of pain in me i feel everyday when I realized you are not here. It was a little more than the other days today. Are you ok?
Are you seeing all of this? Seeing us in pain? Have you made new friends down there? Give me a sign that you are fine. That you don't miss me. Remember you told me we ll go down there together? Got that room next to yours you promised? Did you get "Bro constantine" written on your door? Damn, I can't wait to see you..How long do I have to wait?
Love you,
Sis constantine.
Today i felt that same pang of pain in me i feel everyday when I realized you are not here. It was a little more than the other days today. Are you ok?
Are you seeing all of this? Seeing us in pain? Have you made new friends down there? Give me a sign that you are fine. That you don't miss me. Remember you told me we ll go down there together? Got that room next to yours you promised? Did you get "Bro constantine" written on your door? Damn, I can't wait to see you..How long do I have to wait?
Love you,
Sis constantine.
Bro,
I have just no energy left in me to absorb what's going on around me. He told me he doesn't care anymore,bro. Give me the bloody hope you used to. Why are you so passive?! Today, when I went past Vantage Towers I thought about the times you used to come downstairs to see me everytime I came there. I slip into a different world sometimes, where you are so real, your hugs are still warm and magical, you still talk to me. Suddenly, I snap back to "reality".Why doesnt "reality" have you in it?
It has him. Bro, he took care of me. I miss him. Tell him that. Remember the pseudo conference call? Lol. Thanks ,Bro. You did that just so i could hear his voice. Why did you do so much for me?
Love you ,
Sis constantine.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
ZORRO,
Crumbs of love,
i see me green.
You're a puddle of secrets
death stepped on .
I weep tirelessly.
Then i look,
who are you,
what have you woven me into?
Trials of life.
you've stirred up riddles.
I can see clear now.
you did have your bag of regrets,
but u knew u were caught in the web of monotony.
So u rested..
and hoped n waited for galadriel.
No announcements to the world,i have.
but helplesss pleas only to u.
People are playing tricks.
I have no wish to be part of them.
You wanted me on your path..and u had it
I liked it as much.
I'm still treading.
dont worry my zorro..
This song, no can sing..except the both of us!
- your galadriel..she might just wake up when u give her a sign. keep it going. our telepathy network is active n busy as always..death can't do us apart.
thats why i got back here to give u this song..i got the message that u needed it. read and swim deep in it...cos its in a typical galadriel rime note, can be uncoded only by her Zorro...
LOVE N PEACE
Crumbs of love,
i see me green.
You're a puddle of secrets
death stepped on .
I weep tirelessly.
Then i look,
who are you,
what have you woven me into?
Trials of life.
you've stirred up riddles.
I can see clear now.
you did have your bag of regrets,
but u knew u were caught in the web of monotony.
So u rested..
and hoped n waited for galadriel.
No announcements to the world,i have.
but helplesss pleas only to u.
People are playing tricks.
I have no wish to be part of them.
You wanted me on your path..and u had it
I liked it as much.
I'm still treading.
dont worry my zorro..
This song, no can sing..except the both of us!
- your galadriel..she might just wake up when u give her a sign. keep it going. our telepathy network is active n busy as always..death can't do us apart.
thats why i got back here to give u this song..i got the message that u needed it. read and swim deep in it...cos its in a typical galadriel rime note, can be uncoded only by her Zorro...
LOVE N PEACE
Zorro,
something came up on tv the other day..gemini channel. now i don't want u to laugh.you can call me 'golti' but don't gimme that grin. so there was nageshwara rao all sad ,singing n walking arnd a huge bungalow.(i think it was a remake of vasantha maligai).. i don't know, i heard a few lines and it killed me, rushed into my room to cry.i don't care if it sounds funny, but what he was saying was so poignant.
manasu gadhi inthae..
manishi gadhi inthae..
manasu unna manishiki gadhi inthae..
if i translate this , it wont have the same feel.so ask patti like u've always pestered her with every new word i'd use. if i come to know u laughed u're a dead man. zorro!!!
tears..missing u!! where u my peter pan? .. the name is more apt now than before. don't sit there plopped on that cloud, get down here. i envy u sometimes.. that u really are in NEVERLAND.. everything that we dreamed of..a whole new world where u're never gonna grow up, free from falsehood ,indulging in orgies of innocence and truth,and no twisted lies to take from a grown-up world..
i'm having a coupla nightmares . i choose to call them nightmares, cos u're there with me in the dream and i wake up suddenly to face the harsh truth that u're gone!! i die a million deaths at that point. as i keep reminding u , don't stand there and watch me at such times, fly to elsewhere beside another loved one.
3 more days and i'm done with college. i can never forget that day at college..for the first time ever Ganga screws up her speech..i did not agree with u then, but now i confess u were the cause( well..partly. an added reason was that i did not approve of chief guests). the whole scene was funny, two dumb actors on stage with two other loco dumb-heads from college( p and vp)..and MY GUY staring n grinning at me from amidst the crowd.. why wont i mess up..lol.. MISSING U..
love you..your Ganga
something came up on tv the other day..gemini channel. now i don't want u to laugh.you can call me 'golti' but don't gimme that grin. so there was nageshwara rao all sad ,singing n walking arnd a huge bungalow.(i think it was a remake of vasantha maligai).. i don't know, i heard a few lines and it killed me, rushed into my room to cry.i don't care if it sounds funny, but what he was saying was so poignant.
manasu gadhi inthae..
manishi gadhi inthae..
manasu unna manishiki gadhi inthae..
if i translate this , it wont have the same feel.so ask patti like u've always pestered her with every new word i'd use. if i come to know u laughed u're a dead man. zorro!!!
tears..missing u!! where u my peter pan? .. the name is more apt now than before. don't sit there plopped on that cloud, get down here. i envy u sometimes.. that u really are in NEVERLAND.. everything that we dreamed of..a whole new world where u're never gonna grow up, free from falsehood ,indulging in orgies of innocence and truth,and no twisted lies to take from a grown-up world..
i'm having a coupla nightmares . i choose to call them nightmares, cos u're there with me in the dream and i wake up suddenly to face the harsh truth that u're gone!! i die a million deaths at that point. as i keep reminding u , don't stand there and watch me at such times, fly to elsewhere beside another loved one.
3 more days and i'm done with college. i can never forget that day at college..for the first time ever Ganga screws up her speech..i did not agree with u then, but now i confess u were the cause( well..partly. an added reason was that i did not approve of chief guests). the whole scene was funny, two dumb actors on stage with two other loco dumb-heads from college( p and vp)..and MY GUY staring n grinning at me from amidst the crowd.. why wont i mess up..lol.. MISSING U..
love you..your Ganga
Monday, April 10, 2006
I am going to Erode after 5 weeks, always I say bye to you, before I leave, I am afraid to face to-morrow, more the day passes, more I keep thinking of you, let me try to message you to-morrow. Guide Gani, bye Raja.
Me, Gani & Harish went to watch a movie, how much you would have loved the movie. Yesterday night, me, Ma & Gani felt you around us so much, none could sleep the night, we miss you da. Show us the path, for me you are still there da. ……Applu minus 38 days.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
MA.....
Everytime i open this blog, i feel like im talkin to u but now some how REALITY seems to be strikin me harder n harder as days r passin by! ur absence is killing me ma....literally! the more i try, the more im hurtin myself! im still tryin to pick up all the peices that i shattered in to n this job looks like its never ending!! i just don wanna stop thinkin bout u.. me.. or rather like u wud call it "US"! you were my only world n u know that very well but now, only after uv been gone for sometime now, im gettin to know your actual world, filled with ppl who u love so much, ppl who love you so much! y did u keep me away from your world ma? y was i ur biggest or probably ur only secret ever? y jaan? did u think i din deserve ur love? is that y u left me....even without a goodbye ma? iv been very disturbed n tired of pretending to be normal....this is too much for me to take ma! plz take me away with you! will u? days seem to be flyin so fast, n we believe that these r the signs for 'The Day of Judgement' its nearin US! which means Death is nearin All of us!!! n this realization hit me only today when i was prayin for you, trust me, i was not scared, instead i was just more than Glad that im gona c u soon, very soon Amechi!!! though u called me ur princess n made our story seem like a baeutiful fairytale, everything right in place untill u were there! its sad the story had to have such a tragic end but im gona change our destiny into 'a dream come true!' will find u soon n will never let go of u ever again Ramesh. and live happily ever after!! with a perfect fairytale ending to it, oh i forgot theres no end to it, just the very begining n there we keep goin on! i swear!
You know i love painting scenaries right, but now iv lost interest in all that, coz....the day seems to have lost its glory n the night has lost its beauty, the moon looks dull n its not the bright shine im used to seeing! now all that ever looked beautiful to me was Your Angelic Face that Glows like the Dawn nd Your mesmerisin Smile...that lit my entire world, that is completely Dark now!!! what is left for me to paint, except for a blank paper full of blood stains on it!!! Remember this poem ma......
"HE CALLS HER 'SNOW WHITE'
A DROP OF HIS BLOOD...
IS ENOUGH TO STAIN HER COMPLEXION!
HIS TEAR WOULD MELT HER COMPLETELY.
N WASH HER PURE AGAIN!" ??????
how can she ever be pure n clear as a snow again without him? for....she will always live stained with blood that bleeds everyday from her heart, through her eyes, not bein able to see him anymore, hear him any longer or feel him near her???!!! give me an answer ma!
Do u remember how we keep talkin bout Linda Goodman's sun signs? i read ur sign again...today! oh God....all thats written there is so YOU ma!! every bit of it is so true!!! n i guess iv seen u n known u so well that i was literally able to see u there in writtin ma! guess i was blessed atleast in that way to have known u more than anybody else! will always be greatful for that jaan! will be countin my days to come n c u soon ma! bless me n give a lil strength to hold on till then ma!
ma.....plz pull me out of this never ending sorrow that i cant help burrying myself into!
dinno i cud even get so helpless without u Amechi?!!!
dying here literally! cryin to myself all along with not one soul to comfort,
need u beside me, really really do!
plz hear me luv!
plz come bck!
plzzzzzz............
bleedin to death,
ur Snow White!
Everytime i open this blog, i feel like im talkin to u but now some how REALITY seems to be strikin me harder n harder as days r passin by! ur absence is killing me ma....literally! the more i try, the more im hurtin myself! im still tryin to pick up all the peices that i shattered in to n this job looks like its never ending!! i just don wanna stop thinkin bout u.. me.. or rather like u wud call it "US"! you were my only world n u know that very well but now, only after uv been gone for sometime now, im gettin to know your actual world, filled with ppl who u love so much, ppl who love you so much! y did u keep me away from your world ma? y was i ur biggest or probably ur only secret ever? y jaan? did u think i din deserve ur love? is that y u left me....even without a goodbye ma? iv been very disturbed n tired of pretending to be normal....this is too much for me to take ma! plz take me away with you! will u? days seem to be flyin so fast, n we believe that these r the signs for 'The Day of Judgement' its nearin US! which means Death is nearin All of us!!! n this realization hit me only today when i was prayin for you, trust me, i was not scared, instead i was just more than Glad that im gona c u soon, very soon Amechi!!! though u called me ur princess n made our story seem like a baeutiful fairytale, everything right in place untill u were there! its sad the story had to have such a tragic end but im gona change our destiny into 'a dream come true!' will find u soon n will never let go of u ever again Ramesh. and live happily ever after!! with a perfect fairytale ending to it, oh i forgot theres no end to it, just the very begining n there we keep goin on! i swear!
You know i love painting scenaries right, but now iv lost interest in all that, coz....the day seems to have lost its glory n the night has lost its beauty, the moon looks dull n its not the bright shine im used to seeing! now all that ever looked beautiful to me was Your Angelic Face that Glows like the Dawn nd Your mesmerisin Smile...that lit my entire world, that is completely Dark now!!! what is left for me to paint, except for a blank paper full of blood stains on it!!! Remember this poem ma......
"HE CALLS HER 'SNOW WHITE'
A DROP OF HIS BLOOD...
IS ENOUGH TO STAIN HER COMPLEXION!
HIS TEAR WOULD MELT HER COMPLETELY.
N WASH HER PURE AGAIN!" ??????
how can she ever be pure n clear as a snow again without him? for....she will always live stained with blood that bleeds everyday from her heart, through her eyes, not bein able to see him anymore, hear him any longer or feel him near her???!!! give me an answer ma!
Do u remember how we keep talkin bout Linda Goodman's sun signs? i read ur sign again...today! oh God....all thats written there is so YOU ma!! every bit of it is so true!!! n i guess iv seen u n known u so well that i was literally able to see u there in writtin ma! guess i was blessed atleast in that way to have known u more than anybody else! will always be greatful for that jaan! will be countin my days to come n c u soon ma! bless me n give a lil strength to hold on till then ma!
ma.....plz pull me out of this never ending sorrow that i cant help burrying myself into!
dinno i cud even get so helpless without u Amechi?!!!
dying here literally! cryin to myself all along with not one soul to comfort,
need u beside me, really really do!
plz hear me luv!
plz come bck!
plzzzzzz............
bleedin to death,
ur Snow White!
How similar we were in our faith and belief, I did not know, now I know and the one who knows both of us knows, but not at your age. I am blessed to be your applu, you wanted to beat me in every thing I feel, I would have gladly lost to you, but why did you chose to beat me in the final call …. Applu minus 37 days
Saturday, April 08, 2006
CHAOS AND PAIN
tomorrow is april 9th.
one year back,this was the day, destiny brought us together..you said it better in a msg on july 19th 2005..
-"There lays the chapter of our lives-to-be, fresh outta the creator's hands.Neatly stacked to perfection but alas the fateful winds of change blew across a few pages of mine amongst your's, thus creating the greatest story NEVER-TOLD!"..
well, u're not with me now.
I am missing u like crazy, but..
its not about your messagaes;
its not about talking every night;
its not about missing your magical hugs;
its not even about our adventures at the palace(they were our best times. i relive every visit of ours, in my mind, every single day)
its not about all this..
Its just about your ABSENCE.
its easier to survive , with a deep sense of FIDELITY AND INFALLIBILITY of a fellow outsider's existence....and now,
YOU CAN'T JUST GO ON WITH LIFE WITHOUT YOUR OTHER HALF..CAN YA?????
* * * *
remember we played kite with dragonflies(our hearts),
you're dead now and you've vanished.
and i let go of my heart..
its singing wildly of a song of chaos n pain.
SO LOST WITHOUT YOU
your GANGA..(your galadriel's dead, by the way.galadriel does not exist without her zorro. ganga is what's left of your girl)
shall i come to see u?? I thought of it for long ..contemplating on the how to get myself to the place where u are now. but every path seems like a dead-end. i don't wanna hurt anyone. i'm gritting my teeth and fighting every day..every single day. THERE'S SOMETHING OF U INSIDE ME AND I'M "NOT" GONNA LET IT DIE TOO!!! LOVE YOU!
P.S: i know u are reading my diary .. i just know. i also know what pain you're going through watching us, stay close...i'll keep u warm. will always always always be there for u like i promised)
tomorrow is april 9th.
one year back,this was the day, destiny brought us together..you said it better in a msg on july 19th 2005..
-"There lays the chapter of our lives-to-be, fresh outta the creator's hands.Neatly stacked to perfection but alas the fateful winds of change blew across a few pages of mine amongst your's, thus creating the greatest story NEVER-TOLD!"..
well, u're not with me now.
I am missing u like crazy, but..
its not about your messagaes;
its not about talking every night;
its not about missing your magical hugs;
its not even about our adventures at the palace(they were our best times. i relive every visit of ours, in my mind, every single day)
its not about all this..
Its just about your ABSENCE.
its easier to survive , with a deep sense of FIDELITY AND INFALLIBILITY of a fellow outsider's existence....and now,
YOU CAN'T JUST GO ON WITH LIFE WITHOUT YOUR OTHER HALF..CAN YA?????
* * * *
remember we played kite with dragonflies(our hearts),
you're dead now and you've vanished.
and i let go of my heart..
its singing wildly of a song of chaos n pain.
SO LOST WITHOUT YOU
your GANGA..(your galadriel's dead, by the way.galadriel does not exist without her zorro. ganga is what's left of your girl)
shall i come to see u?? I thought of it for long ..contemplating on the how to get myself to the place where u are now. but every path seems like a dead-end. i don't wanna hurt anyone. i'm gritting my teeth and fighting every day..every single day. THERE'S SOMETHING OF U INSIDE ME AND I'M "NOT" GONNA LET IT DIE TOO!!! LOVE YOU!
P.S: i know u are reading my diary .. i just know. i also know what pain you're going through watching us, stay close...i'll keep u warm. will always always always be there for u like i promised)
Bro,
Listen real close, enough of this stupid game. Just come back. I am going through a very rough time. And it won't be fine till you talk to me. Everyone asks me to "move on". What does that even mean? Do they know how much you mean to me, how much i miss you? No one does. Or maybe they do. But do they know how much sadness there is inside me? Inside us?
You know what he is saying, Bro. You are hearing all of it. Will he see me? I will wait as long as it takes. I can't see him in pain because of me and you know that.
It's been just too long since you spoke to me. It feels like the world around me is moving, people saying and doing things and I m stuck here, in this pool of blood..i m not getting that hand I want, to lift me up. Give me the strength to get up.
Love you,
Sis constantine.
Listen real close, enough of this stupid game. Just come back. I am going through a very rough time. And it won't be fine till you talk to me. Everyone asks me to "move on". What does that even mean? Do they know how much you mean to me, how much i miss you? No one does. Or maybe they do. But do they know how much sadness there is inside me? Inside us?
You know what he is saying, Bro. You are hearing all of it. Will he see me? I will wait as long as it takes. I can't see him in pain because of me and you know that.
It's been just too long since you spoke to me. It feels like the world around me is moving, people saying and doing things and I m stuck here, in this pool of blood..i m not getting that hand I want, to lift me up. Give me the strength to get up.
Love you,
Sis constantine.
Yesterday, through out I felt your presence around me, I understand you wanted to talk to me, when ? Do I have to meet you wherever you are to listen to you, I will be glad to at the earliest…….Applu minus 36 days.
MA...
How you doin today? well....me? u know iv not been the same without u beside me but i have been pushin myself to move on with life, like you always say....." KEEP PLAYING WITH THE MUSIC AND LIFE IS A RHYTHM...YOU JUST HAVE TO KEEP SINGIN WITH IT!!!" but ma... days seem to be so long ever since uv not been around n i have so much so much time left...all to myself, but nothing seems to be of any use to me ma?? i am so use to spendin all my days n nights with u, sharin every single thing we do, now anything n everything that i come across seems so incomplete jaan!!! i know u wanna come back to us ma!!! but god's life pattern n his plan for the mortals dont work that way....or duz it? wish it can be possible only in ur case, infact..... what r MIRACLES for,miracles r suppose to happen atleast to one among zillions! y cant it be U? im just dreamin, hopin, prayin, wishin that something might bring you back to us somehow!! living with that only faith every second ma! u always loved the poems that i write for u ya?....i wrote one for you now ma.....
"HEAVEN IS WHERE I WANT TO BE....
AND YOUR THE ONLY SOUL I WANT RIGHT NEXT TO ME!
I HOLD U SO TIGHT IN MY ARM....
AND ME...SIMPLY GAZING AT UR CHARM!
ANGEL....THAT 'IS' TRULY HEAVEN!
AND THATS "ALL"I CAN BE GIVEN!!!"
ma hope u liked it? do let me know! missin you so much Amechi! i know ur always watchin over me n with that belief i will keep goin on. show me the way that leads me to this magical place that u r in right now n promise me to keep me safe with you in that world like u did here! plz don ever hurt us again by leavin like this ma! we love you too much baby! Applu, ma, gani, patte, me, sis n all the other loved ones need you all through out! plz plz stand by us to show us the path to happiness, path that leads us to you! give us the strength to beleive that you r here with us all the time! plz do this one last favour for me? plz ma???
You take good care of urself Angel!
love you always...urs n only urs
lovin...
Snow White!
How you doin today? well....me? u know iv not been the same without u beside me but i have been pushin myself to move on with life, like you always say....." KEEP PLAYING WITH THE MUSIC AND LIFE IS A RHYTHM...YOU JUST HAVE TO KEEP SINGIN WITH IT!!!" but ma... days seem to be so long ever since uv not been around n i have so much so much time left...all to myself, but nothing seems to be of any use to me ma?? i am so use to spendin all my days n nights with u, sharin every single thing we do, now anything n everything that i come across seems so incomplete jaan!!! i know u wanna come back to us ma!!! but god's life pattern n his plan for the mortals dont work that way....or duz it? wish it can be possible only in ur case, infact..... what r MIRACLES for,miracles r suppose to happen atleast to one among zillions! y cant it be U? im just dreamin, hopin, prayin, wishin that something might bring you back to us somehow!! living with that only faith every second ma! u always loved the poems that i write for u ya?....i wrote one for you now ma.....
"HEAVEN IS WHERE I WANT TO BE....
AND YOUR THE ONLY SOUL I WANT RIGHT NEXT TO ME!
I HOLD U SO TIGHT IN MY ARM....
AND ME...SIMPLY GAZING AT UR CHARM!
ANGEL....THAT 'IS' TRULY HEAVEN!
AND THATS "ALL"I CAN BE GIVEN!!!"
ma hope u liked it? do let me know! missin you so much Amechi! i know ur always watchin over me n with that belief i will keep goin on. show me the way that leads me to this magical place that u r in right now n promise me to keep me safe with you in that world like u did here! plz don ever hurt us again by leavin like this ma! we love you too much baby! Applu, ma, gani, patte, me, sis n all the other loved ones need you all through out! plz plz stand by us to show us the path to happiness, path that leads us to you! give us the strength to beleive that you r here with us all the time! plz do this one last favour for me? plz ma???
You take good care of urself Angel!
love you always...urs n only urs
lovin...
Snow White!
Friday, April 07, 2006
Bro,
I spoke to Applu today. I feel like I have known him for ages..It felt like I was talking to you. I know you are in him. He misses you ma. We all do. Give him and all of us the strength to carry on. Only you can do that. Tell us you are fine. Give us that sign. I worry about you too much,bro..You know i always have. "Minnale" came on TV a few days back, your favourite movie ma. Everything reminds me of you. Everyday I thank you for being a part of my life..You will always be that part of me. I have my university viva on monday. Stay with me like you did for my exam 2 days back. Just keep smiling, thats enough. You speak so much when you don't say anything. But you never answer my questions.
Love you,
Sis Constantine.
I spoke to Applu today. I feel like I have known him for ages..It felt like I was talking to you. I know you are in him. He misses you ma. We all do. Give him and all of us the strength to carry on. Only you can do that. Tell us you are fine. Give us that sign. I worry about you too much,bro..You know i always have. "Minnale" came on TV a few days back, your favourite movie ma. Everything reminds me of you. Everyday I thank you for being a part of my life..You will always be that part of me. I have my university viva on monday. Stay with me like you did for my exam 2 days back. Just keep smiling, thats enough. You speak so much when you don't say anything. But you never answer my questions.
Love you,
Sis Constantine.
Time, every one is carrying on with their life, to-day if I speak about you I am afraid people feel uneasy, my grief is becoming an embarrassment. Time has changed every one except me, ma & few souls close to you. I will stop talking about you with others any more except with those few who really mean to you. Guide me Raja, this blog any more is only between you and those few and me……….Applu minus 35 days.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
hi hi hi hi hi....i just wanted to thank u for coming in my dreams yesterday afternoon. thanks a lot....in the dream itself i knew it was just a wild vision with u next to me sitting and talking.... but then something happened to tell me that it was u....u know it....u asked me the latest champions league scores and the fate of liverpool....and u said ull always support kimi and mclaren....i remember watching something on tv in tat dream... it was an ac milan match...i remember well...it was 1-1 at half time...tat also i tht was just a wild vision but then after getting up i checked skysports.com.....it was true re...ac milan 1 and lyon 1 at half time....then only i believed tat ur still there with us.....tats enough for me....thank u...thank u very much....just do tat atleast once a month if not more often and ill tell u all the latest news in football and f1....till next time
ganesh
ganesh
I removed my beard, attended work, met people and tried few things to start living a normal life at least for the sake of others, end of the day, I realize what a charade it was all, I realized, my life is not the same again…….Applu minus 34days
Ma!!!
Wish i was GOD and had the power to bring Broken Souls together n make it into ONE again!!! coz without u beside us.... we r all in thousand pieces! is there anything that i can do to turn back time? uv always spent most of the time taechin me to live a life that has absolute meaning to it, teaching me what exactly life is all about! n even after uv not been around, u never fail to teach me the right things in life...... one thing that iv learnt now is that "LOVE IS A TREE, THE MORE IT ROOTS IN OUR HEART, THE MORE PAIN IT YEILDS....AND LIFE IS ALL ABOUT PAIN UNTILL WE GET IMMUNE TO IT!!!" im learnin somethin new everyday nd actually this world is NO BIG DEAL at all! this life is just a small train journey nd i believe u just had to get down a lil earlier than all of us..... its not gonna take long for me to reach my destination aswell! i know ur gona be waiting for me there already, will be there soon luv!! i know You are where I belong!!!
GOT TO LEAVE.....
My departure time is already here!
plz hold on.....
my destination duzn seem too far to me!
i can see you standin right there waitin for me!
luv
Snow White.
Wish i was GOD and had the power to bring Broken Souls together n make it into ONE again!!! coz without u beside us.... we r all in thousand pieces! is there anything that i can do to turn back time? uv always spent most of the time taechin me to live a life that has absolute meaning to it, teaching me what exactly life is all about! n even after uv not been around, u never fail to teach me the right things in life...... one thing that iv learnt now is that "LOVE IS A TREE, THE MORE IT ROOTS IN OUR HEART, THE MORE PAIN IT YEILDS....AND LIFE IS ALL ABOUT PAIN UNTILL WE GET IMMUNE TO IT!!!" im learnin somethin new everyday nd actually this world is NO BIG DEAL at all! this life is just a small train journey nd i believe u just had to get down a lil earlier than all of us..... its not gonna take long for me to reach my destination aswell! i know ur gona be waiting for me there already, will be there soon luv!! i know You are where I belong!!!
GOT TO LEAVE.....
My departure time is already here!
plz hold on.....
my destination duzn seem too far to me!
i can see you standin right there waitin for me!
luv
Snow White.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Hey bro ma,
Wrote the first exam ok..But the second one, i couldn't write. Was falling asleep. I looked out of the window, i could see you. I know you are here. I was thinking about how you told me we would be bro sis for real in the next birth. I can't wait, bro. I want to be your sis and take care of you like you took care of me.
Bro, but why did you write that poem? I told you not to think that way when you sent me that. Did you see it coming? Were you trying to tell us something all along? You smiled so much today..Whats making you so happy? Tell me.
Love you,
Sis constantine.
Bro,
Got the helium balloon we sent you? I know you did. It just disappeared, like you grabbed it from us. That was a sign, bro. We know where you are now. You know exactly what I am going through, don't you..You always have. You are such a mind reader. I wonder why i did psychology at times..Now tell me what to do like you always have. Sis fells the emptiness ,bro. The one you have never wanted her to feel. I miss your hugs. So comforting, so warm. Bro, be my angel. Guide me, like you always have. Protect me. Remember the time i called someone else my bro and you got so angry..I swear you are my ONLY bro. No one can or will ever take your place.
Love you,
Sis constatine..
Got the helium balloon we sent you? I know you did. It just disappeared, like you grabbed it from us. That was a sign, bro. We know where you are now. You know exactly what I am going through, don't you..You always have. You are such a mind reader. I wonder why i did psychology at times..Now tell me what to do like you always have. Sis fells the emptiness ,bro. The one you have never wanted her to feel. I miss your hugs. So comforting, so warm. Bro, be my angel. Guide me, like you always have. Protect me. Remember the time i called someone else my bro and you got so angry..I swear you are my ONLY bro. No one can or will ever take your place.
Love you,
Sis constatine..
Raja,
Do you remember, I always tell you to learn to manage your time, because you can get back everything, except the time lost. Time was precious for me till the time you breathed, now tell me what do I do with my time, except to wait for my time. ……..Applu minus 33 days.
Do you remember, I always tell you to learn to manage your time, because you can get back everything, except the time lost. Time was precious for me till the time you breathed, now tell me what do I do with my time, except to wait for my time. ……..Applu minus 33 days.
MA.........
Sittin here still, all alone,
with no sleep in my eyes,
Eyes wide open...Vision so clear,
yet so faint is the road iv taken!
walkin my way in the dark Ally,
with no hand to hold me tight!
still decide to move forward...
just hopin to reach the light!
so scared, so lost....
yet a lil happy...thinkin bout the past!
still sittin here still, all alone.
left with faint memories.....
and Memories are all i have!
untill i meet my destiny!!!
" Another Night just passed by....without u!
feels like iv already died a Hundred million times,
And another day begins....without u!
how many more Deaths do i have to DIE??"
WAITIN to see you soon jaan!!!
untill then...promise to take good care of urself.
love you always.....
Snow White!!!
Sittin here still, all alone,
with no sleep in my eyes,
Eyes wide open...Vision so clear,
yet so faint is the road iv taken!
walkin my way in the dark Ally,
with no hand to hold me tight!
still decide to move forward...
just hopin to reach the light!
so scared, so lost....
yet a lil happy...thinkin bout the past!
still sittin here still, all alone.
left with faint memories.....
and Memories are all i have!
untill i meet my destiny!!!
" Another Night just passed by....without u!
feels like iv already died a Hundred million times,
And another day begins....without u!
how many more Deaths do i have to DIE??"
WAITIN to see you soon jaan!!!
untill then...promise to take good care of urself.
love you always.....
Snow White!!!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Bro,
I just saw your bus pass with your picture..yeah, the one you gave me when i tied you a rakhi the first time. You had nothing to give me so i asked you to give me anything to remember you by and you gave me your bus pass...how thoughtful of you ma.You came to see me on my birthday and you hugged me..Bro, if only i had known that was the last time you were going to hug me i wouldn't have let go of you. I have two exams tomorrow and i havent touched my books as yet. You wished me luck for every single exam,bro. I can't write my exams without that and you know it. I want a sign from you ma. Wish me luck. Please. You know whats happening here. You know how much i need you right here. MY only bro...
Sis constantine..
I just saw your bus pass with your picture..yeah, the one you gave me when i tied you a rakhi the first time. You had nothing to give me so i asked you to give me anything to remember you by and you gave me your bus pass...how thoughtful of you ma.You came to see me on my birthday and you hugged me..Bro, if only i had known that was the last time you were going to hug me i wouldn't have let go of you. I have two exams tomorrow and i havent touched my books as yet. You wished me luck for every single exam,bro. I can't write my exams without that and you know it. I want a sign from you ma. Wish me luck. Please. You know whats happening here. You know how much i need you right here. MY only bro...
Sis constantine..
Zorro,
remember the time,i had a small tiff with mummy..you din't even wait to hear the whole story..the first thing u asked me was if i had told her sorry..Ramesh, why did it have to happen to someone so good like u? thanks to u now, life's lost its meaning. futile.
the world din't stop spinning, zorro..newspapers still speak loud and shallow. ppl continue hiding behind masks. everything is moving..don't know where everyone's going!
Zorro ma.. hope u're doing good. i'm writing even more these days. reading more of NICK HORNBY .. i knew u'd remember. well, he makes sense again- in the end, we learn that life is hollow,dismal,brutish and short.
Oh.. and i decided to write a book on everything about us, about the things we did, about everyone we talked and cared about..everything!i'm so grateful that i wrote down all your messages. i have every one of them..all dated. remember i teased u that, i'm writing them, so that when i'm bored of u, i can read them again and refresh our bond..well my journals seem like holy books- glowing when u turn its pages..full of words u chose to kiss. they're beautiful.
i know we agreed that u're the book-writing type,but hell i feel like one now. well we don't know, this new interst might just die..like how i thought i'd bring to reality our dream home..i grew up...i then thought of painting your name on all my t-shirts...and i grew up again...now i'm on the book thingy(i'm thinking of a tatoo too)!!!!
there's one character in Hornby's book. he puts it right- we are what's happened to us. so if u take away what's happened to us then u know it'll all be different.
Iam here, as what i am , cos so-so things happened in life, and my folks moulded me in so-so ways...u happened(that was the best thing) and u also din't happen. events of such magnitude u for life.
Of course, u were born to be a star. ultimately it all comes to this, the times we've spoken about all this-being stars(exploiting each other's shine), being different, being crazy, being rebels, and somehow being everybody's darling too!!!
Actually i can't stop talking, i can't stop thinking, can't stop doing u.("how u doing Zorro?- " am so doing u my galadriel"lol..)
i started off , all confused, wondering what purpose this blog was serving, .. is it for u, or is it for others to read it and feel moved n all and say" oh.. he was such good guy". i still don't know, i know i'm talking to you.
this whole blog thingy is no harm at all. we may not know each other but we definitely know what it feels like to know not where in your body,blood is rushing into,..when u breathe so hard u don't know where u are ,.. when tears pierce painfully out of your eyes ....all this when Ramesh stares at u from only a photograph!!!! ...... everytime ..the fact that u've gone..it hits me like the first time..like some rock landed on my lungs and i choke and breathe fast.
you're quite a smooth talker,trust me..shine your brilliant smile and talk your way out..i know there's NO god, but there must be some kinda control or mediator. trick him/it. the logic- when life as a system can be made a fool by death, why not pull a trick on death, u know.. reversing the reaction..becos death broke the rule, killed u early, so do something na.. or gimme a sign, i'll try helping u. had enough of this crazy world.
get here soon..
remember the time,i had a small tiff with mummy..you din't even wait to hear the whole story..the first thing u asked me was if i had told her sorry..Ramesh, why did it have to happen to someone so good like u? thanks to u now, life's lost its meaning. futile.
the world din't stop spinning, zorro..newspapers still speak loud and shallow. ppl continue hiding behind masks. everything is moving..don't know where everyone's going!
Zorro ma.. hope u're doing good. i'm writing even more these days. reading more of NICK HORNBY .. i knew u'd remember. well, he makes sense again- in the end, we learn that life is hollow,dismal,brutish and short.
Oh.. and i decided to write a book on everything about us, about the things we did, about everyone we talked and cared about..everything!i'm so grateful that i wrote down all your messages. i have every one of them..all dated. remember i teased u that, i'm writing them, so that when i'm bored of u, i can read them again and refresh our bond..well my journals seem like holy books- glowing when u turn its pages..full of words u chose to kiss. they're beautiful.
i know we agreed that u're the book-writing type,but hell i feel like one now. well we don't know, this new interst might just die..like how i thought i'd bring to reality our dream home..i grew up...i then thought of painting your name on all my t-shirts...and i grew up again...now i'm on the book thingy(i'm thinking of a tatoo too)!!!!
there's one character in Hornby's book. he puts it right- we are what's happened to us. so if u take away what's happened to us then u know it'll all be different.
Iam here, as what i am , cos so-so things happened in life, and my folks moulded me in so-so ways...u happened(that was the best thing) and u also din't happen. events of such magnitude u for life.
Of course, u were born to be a star. ultimately it all comes to this, the times we've spoken about all this-being stars(exploiting each other's shine), being different, being crazy, being rebels, and somehow being everybody's darling too!!!
Actually i can't stop talking, i can't stop thinking, can't stop doing u.("how u doing Zorro?- " am so doing u my galadriel"lol..)
i started off , all confused, wondering what purpose this blog was serving, .. is it for u, or is it for others to read it and feel moved n all and say" oh.. he was such good guy". i still don't know, i know i'm talking to you.
this whole blog thingy is no harm at all. we may not know each other but we definitely know what it feels like to know not where in your body,blood is rushing into,..when u breathe so hard u don't know where u are ,.. when tears pierce painfully out of your eyes ....all this when Ramesh stares at u from only a photograph!!!! ...... everytime ..the fact that u've gone..it hits me like the first time..like some rock landed on my lungs and i choke and breathe fast.
you're quite a smooth talker,trust me..shine your brilliant smile and talk your way out..i know there's NO god, but there must be some kinda control or mediator. trick him/it. the logic- when life as a system can be made a fool by death, why not pull a trick on death, u know.. reversing the reaction..becos death broke the rule, killed u early, so do something na.. or gimme a sign, i'll try helping u. had enough of this crazy world.
get here soon..
Morning ma,
How are you today? I went to Coronet juice shop alone today..the place we used to go and make fun of everyone who walked in. I felt like you were sitting next to me having your favorite mango shake. Bro, there are so many things i need to ask you. See me once. See applu once. We are all waiting for that day. I wrote another poem..
As this silnce fills my heart today,
Do you hear my cries from the place you lay,
I wait in this darkness for your touch so cold,
My skin so wet from all the tears that rolled,
Take me away to that place you belong,
You become death to me, why doesn't it seem wrong?
You promised to take me to auf plate biryani kadai once. I m not going there until you take me ma.
Waiting for you,
Sis constantine.
How are you today? I went to Coronet juice shop alone today..the place we used to go and make fun of everyone who walked in. I felt like you were sitting next to me having your favorite mango shake. Bro, there are so many things i need to ask you. See me once. See applu once. We are all waiting for that day. I wrote another poem..
As this silnce fills my heart today,
Do you hear my cries from the place you lay,
I wait in this darkness for your touch so cold,
My skin so wet from all the tears that rolled,
Take me away to that place you belong,
You become death to me, why doesn't it seem wrong?
You promised to take me to auf plate biryani kadai once. I m not going there until you take me ma.
Waiting for you,
Sis constantine.
Raja
The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. But not in your case, you lived your life and still live in our hearts, I am proud of you.
Applu minus 32 days.
The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. But not in your case, you lived your life and still live in our hearts, I am proud of you.
Applu minus 32 days.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Hey bro,
No one takes care of your sis like you did. Come back ma. Enough of this hide and seek. Today it felt like you were with me the whole day. You loved my poems..wrote one today ma. Check it out.
Your eyes closed, skin so cold;
As I look at you, you don't look so bold;
I call your name, I look for you again;
My heart bleeds for you, as I go insane;
I wake up beside you, I can't feel your breath on my skin;
I run and hide from myself, I feel the pain freeze from within.
How s it ma? Tell me..Will write you one evreyday. Goodnight bro. Love you.
No one takes care of your sis like you did. Come back ma. Enough of this hide and seek. Today it felt like you were with me the whole day. You loved my poems..wrote one today ma. Check it out.
Your eyes closed, skin so cold;
As I look at you, you don't look so bold;
I call your name, I look for you again;
My heart bleeds for you, as I go insane;
I wake up beside you, I can't feel your breath on my skin;
I run and hide from myself, I feel the pain freeze from within.
How s it ma? Tell me..Will write you one evreyday. Goodnight bro. Love you.
This system that life is, all burnt n stale, but pretty to the eyes, and smells of flowers all the time... WHAT A PERFECT TRAP!!! you've escaped it, i'm gonna fight it, and make u say it again- " i'm so proud of my galadriel"..
special message to ganesh(zlittle/zbro),
may magical moments define your life,
like it did ours.
-Ramesh J and Ganga Rudraiah..
LONG LIVE OUTSIDERS!!!!
special message to ganesh(zlittle/zbro),
may magical moments define your life,
like it did ours.
-Ramesh J and Ganga Rudraiah..
LONG LIVE OUTSIDERS!!!!
its so true is'nt it....the fact that death really has a pattern for everybody.im sure ull know what im talking. actually u may not u may remember the messages u sent to one of ur friends regarding the deal made and the broken shards of glass....now u remember.ur really amazing u seem to have deciphered death's design for urself so clearly and even expressed it to ur friend.uve managed to find out what was in store for u and if u remember u even wished for it to happen.....BUT WHY...why didnt u cheat the pattern, why didnt u cheat death when it came for u.....u did so well expressing it...but u ignored the signs....u lost out.till next time.
bye
ganesh
bye
ganesh
Ramesh, it feels good to call u that for a change. 'Zorro' sounds so mine. u have always belonged to many hearts. Ramesh, what were u thinkin?..while riding that bike?, what did u see, what did u hear?? i'm so sure, someone else decided for u that day.its so not u. i definitely can't forget your sermon on "not to get on two-wheelers"!!!
< destiny has its own mysterious way of bringing ppl together. two complete strangers bump into each other accidentally.they liberate each other. be their real selves. each of us have this private space(episodes like..u know who u're talkin to when u look at yourself in the mirror)..yeah..so they shared this space.how lethal could it get..then they started off with this club kinda thing-(membership strictly restricted to the both of em alone)They called themselves THE OUTSIDERS..picture this- a crescent moon..every nite they'd take a trip to their moon,sit,talk,sing and dangling legs and rule the world that's sleeping, when there's no place for falsity! >
Ramesh u ain't ordinary. a rarity for sure. what u doing now? asleep..awake? or have u turned into a real angel?? watch over all of us,will u. i can feel u around sometimes..sometimes not, then i'd think some one else needed u. heartaches, tears, and broken smiles..that's all we've got..but u don't worry much.just stay around and let us know.
< they carried faint worries.he promised he'd never let go of her and they put their trust in time to help them define their relationship.>
ramesh ur eyes spoke so much truth. no masks. no veiled thoughts. u were too sweet a guy , someone could eat u up! i have this one question that's hauntingt me-WHY? WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN? .. He was full of secrets. she was his biggest secret,..becos they believed the herd would never understand.
Zorro, it looks like we presumed. All , near and dear to me, understood perfectly that our story was one of a kind..not cliched..very magical!!!
RAMESH, THIS BRUISE WILL NEVER HEAL..YOUR SMILE WILL NEVER FADE!! - YOUR GANGA..always
< destiny has its own mysterious way of bringing ppl together. two complete strangers bump into each other accidentally.they liberate each other. be their real selves. each of us have this private space(episodes like..u know who u're talkin to when u look at yourself in the mirror)..yeah..so they shared this space.how lethal could it get..then they started off with this club kinda thing-(membership strictly restricted to the both of em alone)They called themselves THE OUTSIDERS..picture this- a crescent moon..every nite they'd take a trip to their moon,sit,talk,sing and dangling legs and rule the world that's sleeping, when there's no place for falsity! >
Ramesh u ain't ordinary. a rarity for sure. what u doing now? asleep..awake? or have u turned into a real angel?? watch over all of us,will u. i can feel u around sometimes..sometimes not, then i'd think some one else needed u. heartaches, tears, and broken smiles..that's all we've got..but u don't worry much.just stay around and let us know.
< they carried faint worries.he promised he'd never let go of her and they put their trust in time to help them define their relationship.>
ramesh ur eyes spoke so much truth. no masks. no veiled thoughts. u were too sweet a guy , someone could eat u up! i have this one question that's hauntingt me-WHY? WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN? .. He was full of secrets. she was his biggest secret,..becos they believed the herd would never understand.
Zorro, it looks like we presumed. All , near and dear to me, understood perfectly that our story was one of a kind..not cliched..very magical!!!
RAMESH, THIS BRUISE WILL NEVER HEAL..YOUR SMILE WILL NEVER FADE!! - YOUR GANGA..always
Equation
Answer for the calculation 3/3=1 for every one, for us, 3/3=BIG 0, THIS ANSWER WILL NEVER CHANGE FOR US. Applu Minus 31 days
Hi Ma!!!
what am i doing here right now, at this time?.....well Do u know what day is today? today is 3rd!.....its been exactly a month ma! nd im already half dead!!! how can days fly so fast? it seems like yesterday.... i saw u smile, heard ur voice!!! everyday has been so hard n it seemed like movin a mountain of pain. so scared of tomorrow, im growin weak evey sec without u!! y did u leave without me? wasn i a good friend to u? wasn i ur best friend Amechi? we shared everything from mornin till night, y did u take this alone by urself? u know il do anything for u! these days without u dont seem real to me! infact nothing seems REAL to me without u! plz give me back the meaning to my life! plz come ma! cant u see me cry? cant u hear me plead??!!! i will wait, no matter how long it takes!!! let it be a month, a year, watever!!! i will see u jaan, i will see you soon!
missin u so badly ma!
luv
Snow White!
what am i doing here right now, at this time?.....well Do u know what day is today? today is 3rd!.....its been exactly a month ma! nd im already half dead!!! how can days fly so fast? it seems like yesterday.... i saw u smile, heard ur voice!!! everyday has been so hard n it seemed like movin a mountain of pain. so scared of tomorrow, im growin weak evey sec without u!! y did u leave without me? wasn i a good friend to u? wasn i ur best friend Amechi? we shared everything from mornin till night, y did u take this alone by urself? u know il do anything for u! these days without u dont seem real to me! infact nothing seems REAL to me without u! plz give me back the meaning to my life! plz come ma! cant u see me cry? cant u hear me plead??!!! i will wait, no matter how long it takes!!! let it be a month, a year, watever!!! i will see u jaan, i will see you soon!
missin u so badly ma!
luv
Snow White!
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Sonday
When I see the sunrise when I walk on the terrace, I was hoping for a good day before I see the sunrise next day and I come back from my walk and see my son raise from sleep and feel contented.
Now, when I see the sunrise on my walk on the beach, I am hoping it should be the last sunrise I see, because I can't see my son raise any more and my son has already been set in the sea with my own hands. ......Applu Minus 30 days.
Hi MA!!!
how u doin today? well, me.....not one day iv gone to sleep without ur goodnight wishes n not one day passes by without ur goodmornings!! seriously..... how can u stay away from all of us for this long ma??? certainly i cant! plz come back Ramesh!!!!
"WHEN YOU WERE BORN, YOU CRIED AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU REJOICED!.... YOU LIVED A KIND OF LIFE THAT WHEN YOU DIED, EVERYONE AROUND YOU CRIED AND YOU REJOICED!"
why ma??? theres something wrong some where!!! you are still here n we all believe that you are just plyin the fool out'v us! enough ma, this is too much to take for us! we love you too much for all this ma!!! i can still hear ur voice,u singin all those beautiful songs to me, i can still see u doin that vijay dance, ur SMILE....that speaks thousands n thousands of magic!! i want all that bck ma!! plz give that to me! cant do without it!! r u listening??? i will be right here waiting for you!!
love ya
ur
Snow White!
how u doin today? well, me.....not one day iv gone to sleep without ur goodnight wishes n not one day passes by without ur goodmornings!! seriously..... how can u stay away from all of us for this long ma??? certainly i cant! plz come back Ramesh!!!!
"WHEN YOU WERE BORN, YOU CRIED AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU REJOICED!.... YOU LIVED A KIND OF LIFE THAT WHEN YOU DIED, EVERYONE AROUND YOU CRIED AND YOU REJOICED!"
why ma??? theres something wrong some where!!! you are still here n we all believe that you are just plyin the fool out'v us! enough ma, this is too much to take for us! we love you too much for all this ma!!! i can still hear ur voice,u singin all those beautiful songs to me, i can still see u doin that vijay dance, ur SMILE....that speaks thousands n thousands of magic!! i want all that bck ma!! plz give that to me! cant do without it!! r u listening??? i will be right here waiting for you!!
love ya
ur
Snow White!
one of the most cherished moments in my life was the 2 week vacation in hyderabad.... we used to talk abt it all the time.... when ever we plan anything else... we always used to keep the hyderabad trip as a bench mark.... The great "H & B" trip.... we used to do all sorts of weird things n pranks there.... this is a pic taken in hyd lifestyle.... he was trying on a pair of "love glasses"...
...H&B bro
(sami)
Saturday, April 01, 2006
April 1st
I was hoping God will say today April fool, your baby was just away and will be back...I want to be a April Fool, please. Applu
I was hoping God will say today April fool, your baby was just away and will be back...I want to be a April Fool, please. Applu
Raja,
From day one, ma is to wash and iron your dresses, you know why, because she wanted you to feel her hands on you all the time. We all cry and say everything, she suffers in silence and cries in her heart, won’t you at least come in her dreams and ask her not to suffer. Applu...Minus 29 days
From day one, ma is to wash and iron your dresses, you know why, because she wanted you to feel her hands on you all the time. We all cry and say everything, she suffers in silence and cries in her heart, won’t you at least come in her dreams and ask her not to suffer. Applu...Minus 29 days
