BORN TO BE A STAR

Raja

I weep often

for the happiness and time we shared
for the pain of your ma and bro
for the hopes and dreams we had for you
for not knowing why
for not knowing what is left
for not knowing how to support your ma and bro
for having become useless to everyone
for not knowing when and
for the future without you.

Applu in wilderness

i feel u every sec...
blow along my gentle breeze.
i know u're by my side...
much love ,
Galadriel..

Where did you go
I miss you
Longing to have a glimpse of you
Longing to touch you
Longing to see your face
Longing to see your smile
Longing to hear your voice,
Longing to hear you call me Applu
What will it take

Applu

Everyone say let go, they don’t know
No, don’t let go, you can’t be gone
Help me please understand,
You left this love open in a way they can’t close
Under a cloud of smoke and flame
I feel the slipping away, I see nothing but pain and sorrow
My god you are gone
Nooo, it can’t be
Can you hear me
Can you see me
Can you help me
I know you are not here, but don’t know how or why
Never answer the question
I don’t want to know you won’t be back

Applu, maimed

I walk that path so often
In these subsequent times
Hoping for one glimpse of you
Among the dark pines.
I stand in the sunshine
And search for your bright smile,
Your golden hair
Against the blue-eyed sky.

I drive that road every day
And nearing that hill pray
That over its crest I find
Your slim, tall figure
Slouching home.

We are propelled into the future
Like a semi on our bumper
Every moment farther from those we loved
And who loved us.
We leave forever behind
The hour we last shared
And any last chance
To offer a caring word
A kindness, or needed help
To save, or at least ease
The loneliness and pain,
Or just simply afford us now
Some small fragment of peace.

They tell me you are at peace
I neither know nor care
You should be here with us
But never will again.
So in this aching emptiness
I spend my hours
In some sense waiting
To someday be with you.

Applu Stupified

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine," He said.
For you to love - while he lives
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care or him for Me?
He'll bring his smiles to gladden you,
And should this stay be brief
You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
I've looked this world over
In search for teachers true,
And from the throngs that crowd
Life's lanes, I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor count the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call to
Take him back again?"
I fancied that I heard then say,
"Dear Lord, Thy will be done,
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that come
And try to understand."

No Way God we can understand and accept! Applu Letdown by you

The question what happened, where did you go, why did you go
I miss you
All through my life wondering why it was,
Always seems you lose when you need it the least,
I saw you leave, and yet don’t understand,
My mind is altered
I miss you
Never answer the question
I love you,

Applu Crushed

I wanted to hope
I could not
Just to hold you
I could not
To ask you not to go.
I could not
Please. No
You never had a chance
And still I can’t even say good bye
You had to go alone
Never answer the question
I do love you

Can you hear me
Can you see me
Can you help me
As I wait an eternal wait
I will see you again
Together we will all be again
I will hold you again
I will always miss you
I will always love you, my Raja

Applu Collapsed

From the time you entered my heart with you first breath
You created your place within me
This place is happiness and Joy, special for a son

From the time you began to walk and talk
You created your style within me
Putting memories of joy, in your place special to you

From the time you began school;
I watched you grow and learn
To become the person you were meant to be
Creating happiness, your place.

From the time you became a young man
I began to realize that in time I would have to let you go
To build your own identity
Sadness and joy, your place.

From the time I watched you leave me on that dark day
I created a place for you
And named it sorrow, your place in my heart

Love eternally, Applu Broken

Damn the night
Damn this dream
Pray for the light and
Try not to scream
The link to life becomes
Link to death
Around the neck and squeezing out death

I beg for the day
I cry for my son

To look in his eyes
Or to know his cry
I offer my life
Just to understand why

God gave his son
But someone took mine
Was that you father
Please send me a sign

Grant me my answer and
I will serve thee divine
Christ died for our sins
Did Ramesh for mine

Damn this day and
Damn this light
Pray for a dream
Bring on the night

A dream of my child
And what should have been
A life with his family
Don’t let that dream end.

Applu Devastated

every step towards success is in ur thots and memories. Else how come i'm able to pull/push thru all this. the bender will take shape soon, under gani's filming. U will be watching me i'm sure... as u always have. miss you, as always. words dont say anything of what i want to. dont want to fill ur ears with vain verses. feelings and emotions i've felt - i've always shared them with you. u will always understand me. we will be friends forever. no matter who says wat... i know those night-long talks wn u've told me how much or how lil i mean to you. i know you... you know me...

just keep guiding me. or just do wat u r doing to me. watever it is... make me win. or make me. or just... words fail me.

i love you da... it doesnt say a bit of wat i feel inside... but helpless...

love you ever... as always...

Yours
Shags

They tell me you are at peace
I neither know nor care
You should be here with us
But never will again.
So in this aching emptiness
I spend my hours
In some sense waiting
To someday to be with you.

Applu

I lie down and close my eyes to get some sleep, you float in my eyes and I try to keep you cool with my tears. Do I sleep, I don’t know, am I awake, I don’t know. Sometimes I am conscious of the time, but mostly not. When I awake everyday, the question still remains is why you and why me and why ma and Gani. It hurts not knowing why. Everything goes by the clock, Harish and Gani leave for college, Ma goes for bath, alone I start my first cry of the day. I hate myself seeing in the mirror, I lost you forever and I feel guilty. When you were a kid, when I held in you in my hands, I was holding the whole world in my hands, when on 4th March, when I held your ashes in the urn, I was holding my life in the urn and I put it in the sea, you and me gone forever. Do I do anything really in the day, I don’t know, you keep me company in the office but you don’t touch me when I cry my heart out. Where do I search for you. Ma comes, takes me to our home of silence and what I do afterwards, I don’t know. I feel only hungry, physical pain and the grief, I eat, I lie down and close my eyes. I have become immune to other’s feelings.

When the day ends and when it starts I don’t know, I only know I am getting little closer to you and to know the ultimate truth.

Tell me da, God is supposed to judge all our actions, who judges God’s actions. What is the reason for him to take you away and make us suffer for nothing. Every one says God loves you more, so he took you away, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I love you more and I don’t know how take you away from him, God is unreasonable.

I am totally confused.

We little knew that morning,
God was going to call your name,
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
You did not go alone.
For part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
You left us beautiful memories,
Your love is still our guide,
And though we can not see you,
you are always by our side,
Our family chain is broken,
And nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.

If we'd known it'd be the last time
You'd walk away from our door
We'd have grabbed you
And held you to the floor.

We'd have hugged you forever,
And stayed by your side,
Never letting you go
Until your Ma and I died.

You'd have done for us,
What we did for for you.
It'd have been as it should be.
You'd not know the pain we do.

Applu

Do Not Stand by my Grave and Weep.
I am not There, I do not Sleep.

I am a Thousand Winds that Blow,
I am a Diamond Glint on the Snow.
I am the Sunlight on Ripened Grain,
I am the Gentle Autumn Rain.

When you Awaken in the Morning's Hush,
I am the Swift Uplifting Rush
of Quiet Birds in Circled Flight.
I am the Soft Stars that Shine at Night.

Do Not Stand by my Grave and Cry.
I am not There, I did not Die

Where are you da, longing to know the answer, Applu

Raja

It is exactly six months before this day, I left you near Madya Kailash and you left me forever, taking with you my life. The only thing which mattered most was you and Gani and to this day, I was not showing that sort of consideration even for Ma. I feel so helpless, I am not able to reconcile, I am not able to accept you are not there. If you believed in my love, Gani’s devotion and Ma’s care, why did you leave us to suffer in your memory for the rest of our life. I see you everywhere, I hear your voice every minute and when I want to touch you, you are not there. You come in my dreams and when I hug you and try to hold on to you, you disappear.

Yesterday, Gani solved a tough problem, I could sense you watching him over his shoulder, I am sure you would not have solved it, but you would have felt very proud of him, he would have loved to have you say he did a great job. Each one of us was very proud of each other, we had it in our hearts. Then why did you disobey my only request to you not to drive a two wheeler ? Did you not think of your applu, ma and gani at that time. Without you, for every one of us, the circle is not complete, it is open, we don’t see things the same way when you were here with us, small things which we enjoyed and brought us happiness means nothing anymore.

Will we ever know the answer to the question, Why did you leave us ? Why do Ma and me have suffer like this at this age and Why your brother who idolized you has to go through this agony

Days, months, years may pass by, but for me, the time came to a stand still at the dusk of 3rd March. I am waiting for the final hug from you when you will not escape, but will take me with you, wherever you are.

Applu.