BORN TO BE A STAR

Zorro,
remember the time,i had a small tiff with mummy..you din't even wait to hear the whole story..the first thing u asked me was if i had told her sorry..Ramesh, why did it have to happen to someone so good like u? thanks to u now, life's lost its meaning. futile.

the world din't stop spinning, zorro..newspapers still speak loud and shallow. ppl continue hiding behind masks. everything is moving..don't know where everyone's going!

Zorro ma.. hope u're doing good. i'm writing even more these days. reading more of NICK HORNBY .. i knew u'd remember. well, he makes sense again- in the end, we learn that life is hollow,dismal,brutish and short.

Oh.. and i decided to write a book on everything about us, about the things we did, about everyone we talked and cared about..everything!i'm so grateful that i wrote down all your messages. i have every one of them..all dated. remember i teased u that, i'm writing them, so that when i'm bored of u, i can read them again and refresh our bond..well my journals seem like holy books- glowing when u turn its pages..full of words u chose to kiss. they're beautiful.

i know we agreed that u're the book-writing type,but hell i feel like one now. well we don't know, this new interst might just die..like how i thought i'd bring to reality our dream home..i grew up...i then thought of painting your name on all my t-shirts...and i grew up again...now i'm on the book thingy(i'm thinking of a tatoo too)!!!!
there's one character in Hornby's book. he puts it right- we are what's happened to us. so if u take away what's happened to us then u know it'll all be different.
Iam here, as what i am , cos so-so things happened in life, and my folks moulded me in so-so ways...u happened(that was the best thing) and u also din't happen. events of such magnitude u for life.

Of course, u were born to be a star. ultimately it all comes to this, the times we've spoken about all this-being stars(exploiting each other's shine), being different, being crazy, being rebels, and somehow being everybody's darling too!!!

Actually i can't stop talking, i can't stop thinking, can't stop doing u.("how u doing Zorro?- " am so doing u my galadriel"lol..)
i started off , all confused, wondering what purpose this blog was serving, .. is it for u, or is it for others to read it and feel moved n all and say" oh.. he was such good guy". i still don't know, i know i'm talking to you.

this whole blog thingy is no harm at all. we may not know each other but we definitely know what it feels like to know not where in your body,blood is rushing into,..when u breathe so hard u don't know where u are ,.. when tears pierce painfully out of your eyes ....all this when Ramesh stares at u from only a photograph!!!! ...... everytime ..the fact that u've gone..it hits me like the first time..like some rock landed on my lungs and i choke and breathe fast.

you're quite a smooth talker,trust me..shine your brilliant smile and talk your way out..i know there's NO god, but there must be some kinda control or mediator. trick him/it. the logic- when life as a system can be made a fool by death, why not pull a trick on death, u know.. reversing the reaction..becos death broke the rule, killed u early, so do something na.. or gimme a sign, i'll try helping u. had enough of this crazy world.
get here soon..