Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Raja,
It hurts me badly. I did not sleep yesterday, keep remembering to-day you have to go for visa, I know you are not there, but I could not sleep. Of late you used to be so much away from home, I long to see you those few minutes in a day and hope to wait for the days like today to accompany you, so that I can be with you for more time. You would have called me and told me you got the Visa and just to hear you say that over phone, I would give my life. It is your happiness, which was priceless to me. I also knew, probably this day will be the last I will accompany you as your applu and you would have gone to US and you would have started living your own life. I was prepared for that and I never intend troubling you in your life with me accompanying you wherever you go. I was prepared for that loneliness. But I would have had the chance to see you at least for a few minutes and hear your voice once a while. I was not prepared for this loneliness and void.
Is that why you left us forever, so that I won’t forget you for a minute. I live in constant emptiness, without knowing where am I going, what am I doing, the only thing I do is to keep thinking of you, your smile, your voice and so many things you did from the day you were born. More the day passes, more the longing is. Your bunch of favorite shirts, which I keep with my dress, I hug them often to feel you. Love you forever….Applu
It hurts me badly. I did not sleep yesterday, keep remembering to-day you have to go for visa, I know you are not there, but I could not sleep. Of late you used to be so much away from home, I long to see you those few minutes in a day and hope to wait for the days like today to accompany you, so that I can be with you for more time. You would have called me and told me you got the Visa and just to hear you say that over phone, I would give my life. It is your happiness, which was priceless to me. I also knew, probably this day will be the last I will accompany you as your applu and you would have gone to US and you would have started living your own life. I was prepared for that and I never intend troubling you in your life with me accompanying you wherever you go. I was prepared for that loneliness. But I would have had the chance to see you at least for a few minutes and hear your voice once a while. I was not prepared for this loneliness and void.
Is that why you left us forever, so that I won’t forget you for a minute. I live in constant emptiness, without knowing where am I going, what am I doing, the only thing I do is to keep thinking of you, your smile, your voice and so many things you did from the day you were born. More the day passes, more the longing is. Your bunch of favorite shirts, which I keep with my dress, I hug them often to feel you. Love you forever….Applu
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Applu,
for the sake of maa gani and paatte, i want you to do this - i know a place where they teach meditation. its more than just sitting there with eyes closed. u'll like it. u need it. i'm not even sure whether it is right on my part to ask you not to visit the blog and write, but rather i'd suggest this - do meditation and sit on a sunday just to bring out all the emotions thru a poem. it helps. u probably cant express it all in a poem cos i know how hurt u all r - more than words can say. but control urself for a while. meditate for a real long while and eventually express urself in a poem or something like that wire-art u'd done decades back. bring out ur emotions in an art form. applu, pls understand i'm happy. this is a world where all human concepts r inexistent - pain, hunger, tears, sorrow, grief, guilt etc dont have any meaning wat so ever over here. i was always happy being with u all and i'm in ahappy state of existence. tho i should feel bad that u all r going thru so much pain i'm not able to cos i'm only a soul now.
so for the sake of ppl who rely on u and ur composure, please smile, meditate and express urself.
i really love you all. i dont miss any of u cos i still wander in our house, the beach, the car, the terrace, the usual eating joints and cool-cats icecream parlor etc. i am around u all. maybe like air - u can feel me but not see me. but i can feel u all, see u all, hear u all, smell u all (like i smell my food b4 i eat) and live in and around u all. if u r game about the meditation class, blog again. make it cheerful applu, at least cos i came in ur dreams. i know u r so much in pain but think of the family. think how much of a change ur smil can make. u need not fake it. try to sink in the fact that ur raja, ur eshaa, is now in a state of bliss. i think that's enuf reason for u to at least stay composed. U r the big man i always looked up to. and gani looked up to me. now that i'm not there, y is the situation like gani is able to talk to everyone with so much maturity? like wat, he didnt love me? all of u did in ur own ways. i know how much that fellow misses me. Applu, smile. c how cheerful gani is despite all this grief. i'm happy seeing him so. but i wanna c u all that way. i want my hero, my big-man, my idol, my icon to smile. dont u know the respect i hv for u? so much that i used to make it a pt to talk mainly serious stuff only with u. so much to say. so lil space. so applu, u hv decades ahead to live. consider this as a word from up above. i'm itching to give u the meditation class details. there r ppl who talk on spiritual topics which should interest u and motivate u. i need to c a valid change in ur view on life.
i love you more than words can say. i miss you. i crave to be born as ur son in my next birth and live my due span, sparing u this pain and living life in a more beautiful way than u want me to.
Smile applu. it makes a difference
Luv
ur son
Ramesh
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for the sake of maa gani and paatte, i want you to do this - i know a place where they teach meditation. its more than just sitting there with eyes closed. u'll like it. u need it. i'm not even sure whether it is right on my part to ask you not to visit the blog and write, but rather i'd suggest this - do meditation and sit on a sunday just to bring out all the emotions thru a poem. it helps. u probably cant express it all in a poem cos i know how hurt u all r - more than words can say. but control urself for a while. meditate for a real long while and eventually express urself in a poem or something like that wire-art u'd done decades back. bring out ur emotions in an art form. applu, pls understand i'm happy. this is a world where all human concepts r inexistent - pain, hunger, tears, sorrow, grief, guilt etc dont have any meaning wat so ever over here. i was always happy being with u all and i'm in ahappy state of existence. tho i should feel bad that u all r going thru so much pain i'm not able to cos i'm only a soul now.
so for the sake of ppl who rely on u and ur composure, please smile, meditate and express urself.
i really love you all. i dont miss any of u cos i still wander in our house, the beach, the car, the terrace, the usual eating joints and cool-cats icecream parlor etc. i am around u all. maybe like air - u can feel me but not see me. but i can feel u all, see u all, hear u all, smell u all (like i smell my food b4 i eat) and live in and around u all. if u r game about the meditation class, blog again. make it cheerful applu, at least cos i came in ur dreams. i know u r so much in pain but think of the family. think how much of a change ur smil can make. u need not fake it. try to sink in the fact that ur raja, ur eshaa, is now in a state of bliss. i think that's enuf reason for u to at least stay composed. U r the big man i always looked up to. and gani looked up to me. now that i'm not there, y is the situation like gani is able to talk to everyone with so much maturity? like wat, he didnt love me? all of u did in ur own ways. i know how much that fellow misses me. Applu, smile. c how cheerful gani is despite all this grief. i'm happy seeing him so. but i wanna c u all that way. i want my hero, my big-man, my idol, my icon to smile. dont u know the respect i hv for u? so much that i used to make it a pt to talk mainly serious stuff only with u. so much to say. so lil space. so applu, u hv decades ahead to live. consider this as a word from up above. i'm itching to give u the meditation class details. there r ppl who talk on spiritual topics which should interest u and motivate u. i need to c a valid change in ur view on life.
i love you more than words can say. i miss you. i crave to be born as ur son in my next birth and live my due span, sparing u this pain and living life in a more beautiful way than u want me to.
Smile applu. it makes a difference
Luv
ur son
Ramesh
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